Many people come to therapy because they want change. They want to respond differently, feel less overwhelmed, improve relationships, or move forward in areas where they feel stuck.
Often, there is an underlying belief that change will come from being harder on oneself. From pushing more, judging mistakes more harshly, or applying more pressure to “do better.”
What we see in therapy is that before meaningful change can happen, self-judgment needs to be understood.
Why Self-Judgment Often Shows Up First
Self-judgment is rarely random. For many people, it developed as a way to cope, stay safe, or maintain control in difficult environments. It may have helped anticipate criticism, avoid mistakes, or meet expectations when support felt uncertain.
Because of this history, self-judgment can feel motivating. It can feel like the force that keeps things moving.
But internally, self-judgment often activates the nervous system.
When Self-Judgment Activates the Nervous System
When someone moves into self-attack, the body shifts into a stress response. The nervous system becomes activated, and the brain prioritizes protection over reflection.
In this state, people may notice:
-
Increased anxiety or emotional intensity
-
Feeling shut down or overwhelmed
-
Difficulty thinking clearly or making changes
-
Strong urges to fix, escape, or avoid
This is not a lack of effort or willpower. It is a nervous system doing what it was designed to do under perceived threat.
Change becomes difficult not because the person is unwilling, but because the system is not regulated enough to support it.
How Change Becomes Possible
Sustainable change does not come from punishment or pressure. It comes from insight, regulation, and support working together.
When the nervous system is calmer, people are better able to:
-
Reflect rather than react
-
Set boundaries with intention
-
Respond to challenges with flexibility
-
Make changes that feel aligned rather than forced
Change becomes less about fixing and more about understanding.
Therapy as a Supportive Space for This Work
At Trickett Counselling, therapy is a space where self-judgment can be explored safely and at a pace that feels manageable. The goal is not to rush insight or force change, but to support awareness that leads to regulation and growth.
If you are seeking change but find yourself stuck in cycles of self-criticism, it may not mean you are failing. It may mean your system needs understanding before it can move forward.
To learn more about our therapists and our approach, visit trickettcounselling.com.